Anyway, I thought it was kinda funny and everyone I've shown it to has at least not hated it, so I thought I'd post it ;P :D
(NOTE: I only did some cursory editing, so it may not be 'perfect' as far as that goes ;)
Dream or Nightmare?
Written by J D White
November 17, 2009
“And then there’s ‘I don’t eat
bacon – but I do like the flavor of shoelaces.’ Man, I’m tellin’ you, that is
gonna be the greatest rock hit of the century when me and my sophomore buddies
get a record deal.”
It
was taking all of Zeegan’s willpower not to start screaming and ripping the fur
out of his head. He was pretty sure it had only been an hour since he had met
Jared, but already he was convinced the boy was insane.
Zeegan
should have been all comfy-cozy in his warm bed aboard the Giou-Zeeganzy with his wife. But no, here he was trudging through
inch deep snow in nothing but a pair of short cut pants, headed down a mountain
towards a lake that he hoped would reveal a way home, followed by an insane
sixteen year old boy who claimed that they were in the western region of a
mountain range called the Sierra Nevada.
Suddenly
Jared started singing some horrible melody with a voice that Zeegan was
convinced would attract every carrion eater for miles – not to mention all the
other animal’s that would most likely come to smite him just to stop the
atrocious din.
“Jared!”
Zeegan screamed as he spun around to face the boy. “Will you PLEASE, shut up? I
am trying to concentrate on the source of the nayrl.”
“On
the source of the what?”
“There
is an energy source near that lake down there–”
“Hey,
that’s Red Lake.”
“Realy?
That’s amazing. I believe I will find a way home down there.”
“Awesome
man . . . Hey I’ve been meaning to ask you, what planet are you from?”
Zeegan
sighed and turned away from the boy, continuing on down the slope towards the
elongated lake. . .
He
guessed it was about half an hour later when they came to the shore of the
lake. Jared sat down with a muted ‘grunch’ in the snow and leaned back against
the trunk of a tree, while Zeegan knelt down at the shore to cup some of the
cold water into his mouth.
Something
wasn’t right here. The wind had died and there was no sign of the animal life
that had been prevalent when he first awoke higher up on the mountain. Zeegan
stared out over the lake in the waning light of twilight, trying to determine
where the disconcerting stillness had originated.
A
rustle in the sparse underbrush behind him brought Zeegan slowly around on his heels.
Close to where Jared sat was a group of bushes that rustled ever so slightly.
“Jared!”
Zeegan hissed as loudly as he dared.
The boy opened
one eye and looked over at him. “Whuh?”
“Don’t move.”
“Why?”
Zeegan pointed
at the group of bushes and Jared slowly turned his head to look at them. The
branches began to move about once more and Zeegan felt his uneasiness grow.
Suddenly, out of
the bushes popped a small creature with a long snout and a black mask around
its eyes. It looked like it weighed about twenty pounds, its bushy gray fur
made its body look like a big fluff ball, and it had a bushy tale with black
rings.
“Ah, come on
man, it’s just a raccoon.” Jared said grinning and leaning towards the
creature. “And it’s a cute one too. Come’ere little buddy, come on.”
Zeegan’s face
screwed up in a grimace of concern. “Jared, get away from it!”
But the boy was
ignoring him. When Jared got within a few feet of the raccoon, it suddenly
stood on its hind legs and hissed, white foam fizzing up around its mouth. Its
ears were now drawn back flat against its skull and it looked thoroughly
violent.
Jared apparently
finally got the hint, he screamed and tried to jump back but was far to slow.
The insane raccoon leaped right at Jared’s face and latched on, still hissing.
The boy leaped to his feat and swung his head around violently, trying to shake
off the beast.
Zeegan leaped
forward and dashed to help Jared. Grabbing hold of the vicious raccoon he
yanked it off the boys face and threw it away with all his strength. The beast
hit the ground on its feat and skidded to a stop half a dozen yards away.
“Run man, come
on let’s run, go!” Jared was in a veritable panic.
“Calm down will
yu’, its not’n I can’t handle.” Zeegan said, holding up his hand to show that
it was now covered in a glowing hazel-yellow, semitransparent, gel-like mass of
energy.
The raccoon was
charging back at them at full speed. Zeegan balled his fists together and went
into a crouch. Focusing, he willed the mass of energy in his hand to glow
brighter and move to float in front of his fists as it solidified. Then –
thrusting his hands forward with all his might – launched the mass of energy
directly at the crazed creature.
The solid mass
of semitransparent energy screamed through the air and would have torn straight
through the raccoon – that is of course, if the raccoon hadn’t leaped up and
smacked the center of the projectile with its front paws and sent a wave of
counter energy through it, causing it to blast apart in a harmless explosion of
dissipating energy.
Both Zeegan and
Jared’s jaws dropped open at the thoroughly baffling sight. The raccoon landed
on its hind legs a few feet away and hissed at them again.
“All right,
running sounds good now.” Zeegan said. . .
For the next ten
minutes Zeegan and Jared ran as fast as they could along the shore of the lake,
screaming at the tops of their lungs as they attempted to escape the rabid
raccoon.
Zeegan snatched
Jared’s wrist and pulled him into a cave. Pushing him back against the dark
wall, Zeegan stood next to him and waited – trying to quiet his breathing.
He heard the
creature scamper frantically by still hissing violently, but it did not turn
into the cave-mouth.
“Good, it didn’t
see us come in here.” Zeegan whispered breathlessly. “No doubt it’ll realize it’s
not behind us any more and back track, though. Let’s go.”
Jared whimpered
and nodded, following as Zeegan headed deeper into the cave.
“Any particular
reason we’re going into this cave?” Jared asked eventually, once he had
sufficiently calmed down.
“The energy I
detected is this way.”
They turned a
corner in the dark tunnel and found a large door at the end. Two massive
torches sat in heavy brackets on other side of the door, giving off a
sputtering orange glow.
When they got
within a few yards of the door, a massive hulk of a man fell through the stone
ceiling and landed in a crouch before them. Rising to his full seven foot
height, he held a round shield in his left hand and a short sword in his right.
He was dressed in a light armor chest plate, a strange skirt-like garment, and
a pair of sandals.
“I am Leviticus
Claudius.” He said in a deep voice that rumbled from the depths of his massive
chest. “I have served my lord Caesar as the guardian of this doorway to another
world for twenty, of my forty-five years.”
Zeegan and Jared
stared, trying desperately to keep hold of their individual sanities.
Unfortunately Jared’s grip slipped.
“Great, first a
giant alien-porcupine-wizard, then an evil, mutant raccoon, now we got a freakin’
gladiator that can travel through time’n’space!” Jared started laughing
hysterically and jumping up and down in circles. Suddenly he disappeared in a
poof of inability to accept stupid, impractical situations.
Zeegan blinked
as tiny bits of dust drifted to the ground where Jared had stood and scratched
his head furiously in confusion. A hissing from behind warned that the raccoon
had discovered their trail and was close behind.
Zeegan looked
back down the dark tunnel and wondered if he shouldn’t just let the vicious
little creature tear him apart. A heavy hand fell on his shoulder and he looked
up into Leviticus’ dark brown eyes.
“Go, little
man.” The hulking man said. “I shall do my duty and guard this door to the
end.”
Zeegan just
nodded with a blank look in his eyes and opened the large door, praying to the
Almighty Creator that this was just an insane dream and he would awake from it
soon. . .
Once Zeegan had
closed the door behind him, Leviticus turned to face the demented,
foaming-at-the-mouth raccoon.
“Thou shall not enter
here, foul beast.” He whispered as he swung about his short sword.
As if in answer
the raccoon roared and charged for him. Bellowing a war cry, Leviticus also
charged. . .
Zeegan nearly
tripped when his surroundings turned from the dark cave to a bright forest
filled with creepy, rainbow colored, elastic-like bears jumping about singing:
“Gummie bears – bouncing here and there
and every where. . . .”
Finally Zeegan
could not take it anymore; he clamped his hands over his ears and screamed at
the top of his lungs to drown out the horrible noise–––and lurched into a
sitting position when something bashed against his nose.
“You awake now, Gy’doht?” Biyon asked from where she sat
on her knees on the other side of the bed, a book held nonchalantly at her left
shoulder where she had apparently decided to rest it after hitting him in the
face.
Rubbing his nose
with a rueful grimace, Zeegan nodded and thanked his wife for waking him from
the bizarre nightmare. . .
_________________________________________________________________
2 comments:
What were you smoking when you wrote this? :)
Honestly though, I respect your bravery. This sounds like some of my own weirdo dreams... I'm going to have to wander around here and check out more of your writing. It sounds like a fun place to hang out! ;)
lol ;P ;)
No smoking, just a the product of a writing assignment influenced by a group of people with overactive imaginations :)
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